Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
So finding an apartment up in Kent is fucking DIFFICULT! Jesus...I've looked up at least...keyword: at least 20 places. The one place we went to look at this morning was terrible. Studio apartments were about the size of a motel room...a shitty motel room. And that would be fine...for one person. But for me and Dave?? ....NO. So right now I have a list of about 6 different places we are going to drive around to and see if they have any openings. I really hope we can find a place thats like $375 a month at most so we wont be so short on cash. That would suck. I desperately want to move out and live with the love of my life but it feels like the tables are against me this time. Usually I have good luck with things like this but I dont right now.
He seems so happy up here at Kent. Playing pool....showing me around...telling me stories. Since hes all happy I feel all giddy and fuzzy inside. I love it when he smiles. His smile and his laugh brighten my whole day.
The campus is HUGE. Good god. Seriously...its un-natural. It's so pretty though. They have BLACK FUCKING SQUIRRELS! I. WANT. ONE. NAO! kthnxbai. :D
I'll post a REAL update later since we have to get going soon. :]
Sunday, August 2, 2009
This is an AWESOME chance to win a cool prize. Have fun!!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
I think I found the man of my dreams. His name is Dave Mason...he is the most perfect guy I have EVER met. He treats me like I actually matter. I love him with all of my heart. I'm GLAD me and Shawn are done. If it wasnt for Shaw dumping me I would have never found the man of my dreams. Dave, I love you so fucking much. I want to spend the rest of my days with you baby love.
I FINALLY GRADUATED!!! I'll post pictures...maybe. I dont know yet. I didnt like the way I looked at graduation. Our gowns were...WHITE. Yeah, hideous, I know. It feels so good to finally be out of High School. Finding a job is so fucking hard though. :[ I'll write more later. No quote today. Sorry.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Ok on May 19th Jimmy has been dead two years. I can’t believe I’ve made it two years without him in my life. I miss him so much lately and I don’t know why. I think the reason why I miss him so much is because I graduate in June. I want him so badly to be on the other side of that stage at graduation. That would be a dream come true for me. All he ever wanted for me was to graduate, and I am. I’m going to make him so proud.
Jimmy, if you can see this – I love you baby…more than anything in this entire world. I hope you’re proud. I really do. You are the love of my life. I wish you were here, but your not. But I know you’re watching down on me and making sure that I’m ok. Thank you for coming into my life and making an impact on it. I love you my darling; so much.
On another note…Shawn dumped me THROUGH A MYSPACE MESSAGE! What. The. Fuck. So I message him back and he basically tells me he purposely let me fall for him so he could use me. He also told me that I’m just a sex toy to him. Thank you very much you fat ass piece of shit. I’m so pissed; hurt and heart broken right now I don’t even know what to do. I haven’t even cried yet…that’s how hurt I am. I don’t know what to do…and that’s scary. I loved…er, love him SO much. Someone tell me what to do.
Sorry this is so short. I’m exhausted.
"Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew."
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
To start things off – April 3rd (I THINK…it was around there) SHAWN CAME HOME!!!! Mmmm, it was so good to finally see him and be in his arms. I did NOT want to let go of him when I hugged him for the first time. I spent like the whole day getting ready and shit. My mom said I’m pathetic because I took all day to get ready to just sit in my room and watch Wrestlemania. It was worth it. I actually don’t really remember much from Wrestlemania. I, Shawn and his best friend Dan watched it. Shawn and I could NOT take our eyes off each other. It was amazing. I love him so much.
Then a little bit ago I and Shawn hit a rough patch. We got into a fight and weren’t really together for like a week or two. Might have just been a week. It felt like an eternity. I really thought I had lost him forever. It hurt so badly. The last things he said to me were “I think we need to take a break…” and when I asked how long he said “a decade, fucking longer maybe,” and then he signed offline. It was scary. But, we’re back together now and doing great for the most part. The hardest part right now is me being so stressed out and just wanting to be with him all the time but I can’t.
Hmmm, besides that – I’ve been focusing a lot on school lately. My goal was the graduate with all A’s and B’s…but that’s really not going to happen now. I have to at the very least get my grade in British and World Lit. up to an 85% and KEEP it there or higher. My goal is to get it to a 90% or higher so hopefully I won’t have to take the final exam. Final’s scare me. On top of that I now have this bullshit PSSA class that I have to take and I have a quiz EVERY week until I show proficient in math or I don’t graduate…WTF?! It really scares me that I might not graduate. I feel so stupid right now.
BUT! I have some VERY, VERY GOOD news. You ready for this one? –
I. GOT. MARILYN. MANSON. TICKETS!!!
Well, I got tickets for the Rockstar Mayhem Fest. Which Marilyn Manson and Slayer are headlining. It is August 1st. I CAN NOT wait until then. The concert is going to be so much fun. Fuck. I get goose bumps just thinking about it! I’ve met Jerry Only…if I meet or even see Manson live my life will be almost complete. The only other person I want to meet before I die is Trent Reznor…Well, and Alexi from Children of Bodom but that’s a different story for another day. I’m going to stop rambling now.
I have to get back to my homework and such things. :[ Homework really sucks. Anyone out there good in English and Math? I could really use the help!
Today’s quote is from Marilyn Manson’s song “Heart Shaped Glasses”
“She said: ‘Kiss me it’ll heal, but it won’t forget…’”
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Fine Art: 80.20%
Personal Finance: 82.86%
American Literature: 95.42%
British Literature: 72.15%
Physical Education: 100%
Career Planning: 91.74%
Environmental Science: 90%
So yeah, there are a few grades I need to bring up. I have to pull an 80% or higher in American and British Literature in order to pass because my grades in those classes for the first semester were around 40%. Now that Ashley and I aren’t friends I have a lot more time to focus on school work and friends who actually care about me. I know me and Ashley always fight and then make up but this time it’s for good. I’m sick of her fucking drama and her always bringing me down. I’m so proud of myself. I finally stood up for myself and told Ashley exactly how I feel. It’s over and done with. I feel amazing.
Anyways, I finally told my parents I’m having sex. Well, I told my mom and then she told my dad. A HUGE weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I can go out and buy condoms and not have to worry about anything…other than my dad ragging on me and asking if I have good sex or bad sex. Ok, I’ll still have to worry about my mother thinking I’m having sex to much if I go through condoms to fast. But I’d rather be safe than sorry. I have an appointment sometime next month or something to get birth control too. The only thing I’m worried about with that is gaining weight. It scares me because I’m already fat. Ya know? My mom also thinks its just a free pass for me to fuck whoever I want, when I want…WTF?
[[^^Totally not sure if I already told you that and I’m way too tired to go look!]]
Well, other than that I got arrested last week. Yeah, I’m a motherfucking GENIUS! :[ I went out with a few friends and ended up getting arrested for underage drinking. Fucking 12:30am…and my mom gets a call from the cops 20 miles away from home saying her daughter is in their custody. I thought I was going to have a bloody heart attack. But yeah. I have court on Monday at like 8:30am…I’m super nervous. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I hope the fine isn’t as big as I think its going to be. I know for a fact my license is GONE for 3 months once I get it. :[ This really sucks…I’ll post updates after court.
So prom is in about two months. Don’t know the exact date yet. But yeah, I don’t know what to do. I want to go with Shawn more than anything. He would be my perfect date. I think he’s just afraid I wont have fun. And he doesn’t like to dress up. He wants to wear jeans and a nice shirt or something. But like, I don’t think they’ll let him in wearing that. I don’t know. I really REALLY want to go with him. I would have fun just sitting there holding his hand and talking to him. Maybe giving him little kisses randomly too. ;] So I don’t know. I fall for Shawn more and more each day and him going to prom with me would make prom perfect. He kind of gives me butterflies inside. His voice gives me goose bumps and he makes me fall for him more and more everytime I talk to him. I love him so much and I can’t wait for him to come home.
Nothing more to really update on. I’ve neglected this a lot lately. Just got so much going on. Hopefully things will be back to normal soon and I’ll be able to update this more often. So, this is living out Shawn’s wish. He’s wanted me to update this for awhile now. Haha. So this is for you baby! Love youu. <3
There is two quotes for today because I liked them both…hahaha.