Sunday, May 24, 2009

Broken hearts and Memories

Ok on May 19th Jimmy has been dead two years. I can’t believe I’ve made it two years without him in my life. I miss him so much lately and I don’t know why. I think the reason why I miss him so much is because I graduate in June. I want him so badly to be on the other side of that stage at graduation. That would be a dream come true for me. All he ever wanted for me was to graduate, and I am. I’m going to make him so proud.

Jimmy, if you can see this – I love you baby…more than anything in this entire world. I hope you’re proud. I really do. You are the love of my life. I wish you were here, but your not. But I know you’re watching down on me and making sure that I’m ok. Thank you for coming into my life and making an impact on it. I love you my darling; so much.

On another note…Shawn dumped me THROUGH A MYSPACE MESSAGE! What. The. Fuck. So I message him back and he basically tells me he purposely let me fall for him so he could use me. He also told me that I’m just a sex toy to him. Thank you very much you fat ass piece of shit. I’m so pissed; hurt and heart broken right now I don’t even know what to do. I haven’t even cried yet…that’s how hurt I am. I don’t know what to do…and that’s scary. I loved…er, love him SO much. Someone tell me what to do.

Sorry this is so short. I’m exhausted.

"Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew."

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

About 2 months later...

So basically, the last time I updated this it was about two months ago. Damn! A lot has been going on over the past few months….and I mean, A LOT. So I should probably get started on updating everyone, shouldn’t I? Haha.

To start things off – April 3rd (I THINK…it was around there) SHAWN CAME HOME!!!! Mmmm, it was so good to finally see him and be in his arms. I did NOT want to let go of him when I hugged him for the first time. I spent like the whole day getting ready and shit. My mom said I’m pathetic because I took all day to get ready to just sit in my room and watch Wrestlemania. It was worth it. I actually don’t really remember much from Wrestlemania. I, Shawn and his best friend Dan watched it. Shawn and I could NOT take our eyes off each other. It was amazing. I love him so much.

Then a little bit ago I and Shawn hit a rough patch. We got into a fight and weren’t really together for like a week or two. Might have just been a week. It felt like an eternity. I really thought I had lost him forever. It hurt so badly. The last things he said to me were “I think we need to take a break…” and when I asked how long he said “a decade, fucking longer maybe,” and then he signed offline. It was scary. But, we’re back together now and doing great for the most part. The hardest part right now is me being so stressed out and just wanting to be with him all the time but I can’t.

Hmmm, besides that – I’ve been focusing a lot on school lately. My goal was the graduate with all A’s and B’s…but that’s really not going to happen now. I have to at the very least get my grade in British and World Lit. up to an 85% and KEEP it there or higher. My goal is to get it to a 90% or higher so hopefully I won’t have to take the final exam. Final’s scare me. On top of that I now have this bullshit PSSA class that I have to take and I have a quiz EVERY week until I show proficient in math or I don’t graduate…WTF?! It really scares me that I might not graduate. I feel so stupid right now.

BUT! I have some VERY, VERY GOOD news. You ready for this one? –


Well, I got tickets for the Rockstar Mayhem Fest. Which Marilyn Manson and Slayer are headlining. It is August 1st. I CAN NOT wait until then. The concert is going to be so much fun. Fuck. I get goose bumps just thinking about it! I’ve met Jerry Only…if I meet or even see Manson live my life will be almost complete. The only other person I want to meet before I die is Trent Reznor…Well, and Alexi from Children of Bodom but that’s a different story for another day. I’m going to stop rambling now.

I have to get back to my homework and such things. :[ Homework really sucks. Anyone out there good in English and Math? I could really use the help!

Today’s quote is from Marilyn Manson’s song “Heart Shaped Glasses”

“She said: ‘Kiss me it’ll heal, but it won’t forget…’”