Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Friends are my life

So this post is a little different. In this one I wanna basically post pictures of my main friends and explain why their important to me. :] My friends are the most important thing to me in this entire world. These people aren’t in any specific order, I’m just putting them in boys and then girls. It’s just easier that way.


John! He's so awesome. I went to karate with him. I've known him for like 8 years. Without him I would probably be dead. He's helped me through so much in my life. I dont know what I would do without him. He's so goofy and amazing. I love you John!


Papa Sin!!! For the LONGEST time I have the BIGGEST crush on this man. It wasn't even funny. I was so in love with him. But then he got together with this girl Keriba and well, he became more of a big brother/father like kinda person to me. I call him my Papa Sin. He's more of a father to me than my own dad is. His son is about my age too...which is weird. I always wonder what his son thinks about his dad being friends with someone his age. Ya know? But I love him with all of my heart. He's the biggest rock that holds me together at times. I love you so much Sin!


Tom!! I love this kid. I havnt known him that long but he is the COOLEST person you will EVER meet. He needs to come home NOW! I only hung out with him twice and then he LEAVES town. :[ It fucking sucks soooo bad. I really liked this guy too. Other than Shawn, hes the greatest guy I know. Love you man!


Sharpie!! :] Craziest guy I know. Well, aside from Tom. Sharpie lives down in Hot Springs, Arkansas. Seen him in person once and...DAMN is he awesome. We chilled and shit and then I had to go home. It sucked. :[ Anyways, he's so sweet and he always knows how to make me laugh. I love you Sharpie!

And now...presenting....MY BESTEST!


This would be my ASHIE BABIE. I love this girl more than anything in this whole fucking world. Yeah, we fight a lot but in the end, I still get to cuddle up with her at night and call her my bestest. I love her the mostest hostess. We're gunna move away together and start a whole new fucking life. Away from all these fucking HICKS.

So now you know who holds me together in this world. If I forgot anyone, I'm sorry. I tried to cut it down so it wasnt so fucking huge. :] I love all of my friends equally. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm all about my friends. Their my fucking life. I would do anything for these people. I may not have a lot of friends...but the ones I have are good enough for me.

"Friendship doesn't count the miles. It's measured by the heart."

Monday, January 26, 2009

Family Drama and Dieting!?

Anyone ever have a day where you just want to lay in bed and cry?? Well I’ve been having that day since…well, yesterday afternoon. I’m not going to name names for the simple fact of keeping my family business private. But, long story short --- I can’t be home with someone from my family who means the world to me because of reasons beyond my control. It kills me to know I can’t be there to hold their hand and help them through such a hard time. In other words, I would be there as soon as I could if I could leave without my parents stopping me. Lets face it, we all know parents are the center control system of every child…most of the time that it.

No classes for two days?! What? Really?!? Yeah, you heard me right. I have no classes until Wednesday. Today is the last day of the semester. It’s simply used to tie up any loose ends with classes that are only one semester. Tomorrow is the day I’m supposed to make a plan as to how I will organize my work for the second semester. But am I going to do that?? NOPE! I’m going to take it as a free day. :] Hehehe.

I don’t really have much to update on today. I might update again later tonight if something interesting happens. But, I highly doubt anything fun or interesting will happen. I have a pretty basic and boring life.

Oh! Ok wait; I do have another update….

I, as of 10:30 this morning am now on a diet. I WILL lose weight before summer and I WILL make sure I’m sexy as hell for when I go down to Arkansas in November. No, that’s not the only reason I want to lose weight. I’m so tired of hearing people call me fat and I’m so sick of shopping in the PLUS SIZE section. Crazy fact: I used to be a size 12. Yes people, I said it! --- SIZE 12. This was back in 6th grade, but still. Healthy weight for me is like 145-150 and well, I’m not that. Not even close to be honest. All I’m saying right now is I WILL NOT let anyone steer me away from this. A few close friends of mine are saying I’m fine just the way I am…that’s nice that you think that and all but I’m not. I’m over weight…extremely and I’m sick of being this way. I will make my goal. Hopefully by November I will be a size 10/12 or size 12/14. Right now, I’m a size….22/24. YES, I’m fat. NO, I’m not proud of it; and YES, I will change it. If anyone has any tips or diet/exercise routines, LET ME KNOW ASAP PLEASE. :]

This is a short post compared to my other ones. I just don’t have much else to say really. So I’ll leave you with another quote.

“Beauty is about what’s on the inside, not what’s on the outside.”

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Boys, Moving, and Cell Phones :]

‘Ello lovelies! So yeah, haven’t updated this in a few days so I figured I would let you guys know what I’ve been up to. Basically, I’ve just been working on finals/midterms. Whatever you wanna call them. Busy busy busy! But yeah, other than that not much has been happening out here in the BOONIES. :]

Oh and can SOMEONE please tell me why I can only send pictures on my cell phone when I’m sitting in my parents BATHROOM!!! It annoys me immensely. Like, I don’t know what it is with my cell phone but I can only send pictures when I’m in my parents bathroom or when I’m at Ashley’s I can only send them when I’m sitting in her bathroom with the door closed….WTF?! It’s a BlackJack II and it’s supposed to be a smart phone. Well guess what!! It doesn’t seem like no smart phone to me. More like a dumb phone. I don’t know. I like it better than this weird HTC Black Diamond my dad game me that he got from a co-worker. It’s this weird phone from over seas…to fancy for me. Although it does have some pretty rad fucking games. There’s one game on it that’s pretty sweet. It’s called Teeter…I think. Ha. Basically, you move the actually phone to move this ball on the screen and maneuver it around holes to try and get it in this green hole. It’s weird. You can feel the ball bounce off the side of the cell phone too….odd, I know. Anyone else weirded out by that?! It freaked me out when I first played it.

SO! Right now I’m on the phone with that guy I talked about from North Carolina. His voice…makes….my…heart…..melt. You have no idea. He’s so fucking amazing. I want him to come home so bad so I can be with him. He would be my one and only reason to stay here in Mercer. Guess I should tell the history about how we met and shit. Basically, I went to school with him in 9th grade; my first year at Mercer. He was soooo sweet. I used to talk to him in the halls sometimes and I would talk to him outside school while waiting for my ride to get there. Anyways, it took him 3 FUCKING YEARS to tell me he liked me. WTF?! We could have been together and dating back then but noooo!! He didn’t have the guts to ask me out. Ha. But he’s all mine when he comes home…I hope. I don’t wanna jinx it so I’m just gunna shut up about him.

Update on moving away to Arkansas…I don’t know now. The more I think about it, the more I wanna go. But the more I talk to Shawn(kid from North Carolina)…the more I wanna stay here. I mean, can I really pick up and move 16 hours away from everything. Away from Shawn, away from Ashley and away from everything basically. I bitch about going home to Rochester but then at the same time, I wanna move even farther away from it. My minds going in a million different directions and I don’t know which way to turn. I guess all I can do is wait and see how things play out. Who knows…Shawn might get home and realize I’m not as amazing as he thought I was. Ya know?

I really don’t know what else to write. As you can see, it’s fucking LATE at night. As I sit here and write this…the clock says 3:39AM. WOW. Insomniac much?!!?! I think so. :] I’m texting like 4 people and talking to this amazing boy, I’m EXHAUSTED yet I don’t wanna go to sleep. Weird, aye?

Quote time? YUP!

“If I have to choose between loving you, and breathing, I would use my last breath to say I LOVE YOU.”

Monday, January 19, 2009

Where do I belong?

So I know I haven’t updated in awhile. I’ve been super busy with school work. The end of the semester is almost here and I’m kind of in danger of failing a few classes. But honestly, at this point, I don’t give a flying fuck anymore. If I don’t pass, then I don’t pass. It’s not the end of the world. Ya know? I mean, yes Ashley wants me to walk across that stage with her and my friend Tom really wants me to graduate, but…if I don’t, I won’t be upset. More updates to come on that. :]

Other than that…nothing has been up lately. Just been focused on school and random bullshit with my bestest Ashley. <3

As of right now, I am contemplating where I will end up when I turn 18. There is no way I will be out of here when I graduate but you can bet I will be GONE when I turn 18. Even if I end up in a shit hole apartment in Mercer. I will work my way up and end in Arkansas with Sharpie, Marcus and Michael; either that or I’ll end up back in good old Roc City. I’ll figure it out when the time comes I guess. For some reason, I think I might end up living with Sharpie in the end.

So now I’m going to put a question out there for everyone – Does anyone know where to get amazing, funky, prom dress in plus sizes that are extremely expensive? Let me know please!! I hated my dress last year and this year…I want the PERFECT dress.

And bloody fucking hell…I was on the phone with Zack, the ex boyfriend I talked about. Well, I told him I loved him when we were on the phone the other day and when he went to say it back he quickly blabbed out ‘you too, bye! *click*’ I mean, WTF?! Later I find out that he didn’t say I love you back because his mom walked down the stairs. His mom is one psycho bitch. If she thinks, even for a moment, that me and him are back together…she’ll shut off his phone, the internet, and every other connection I could possibly have with him. She’ll question both of us and probably throw the bible at me. Her names Deborah and she thinks she’s all fucking high and mighty. BULLSHIT. He’s turning 19 on February 28th. This bitch KNOWS that he depends on her because he can’t save up enough money to move out on his own. He has college bills and car payments to pay first. So in return, she’s a royal fucking BITCH and she will do anything in her high power to keep me and him apart.

“To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.”

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Procrastination at its best

To put things simply, I am mentally and physically exhausted. I’ve been working as hard as I can on school work and it seems like it just isn’t enough. Anyone know what I’m saying? I can NOT wait for this school year to be over. I honestly can’t say that enough. I’ve got plans for after high school. I’m gunna get a job, save up, and MOVE THE FUCK OUT. If everything goes well I’ll be moving into my very own apartment with my best friend. I’ll keep this updated on how those plans are coming along.

At the end of February (sooo, a month and a half I would estimate), my ex boyfriend and really close friend turns 19. Now, follow along with me here…he’s turning 19 and his mother still controls everything he does. Or, it seems like that anyways. :[ I don’t know, it just bothers me. I haven’t seen him in about 5 years or so. That’s a LONG time. I wanna tell him to just move down here but he can’t. Honestly, I don’t even think she’d let him come visit without her throwing a fit and making him feel guilty about leaving. Sound’s shitty, right? /shrugs Eh, who knows…maybe things will work out.

Other than that, right now I’m procrastinating school work. I’ve got a shit ton of homework and I really, really don’t wanna do it. Haha. When do I ever wanna do homework? The semester ends on the 20th?? Pretty sure it’s the 20th anyways. Who knows. For those of you who would like to keep track of how I’m doing in school, here are my grades.

Fine Art – 72%
American Lit. – 73%
British/World Lit. – 69%
Business Math – 66%
Gym – 85%
Environmental Science – 88%
Digital Photog. and Graphics – 95%

So yeah, not the greatest grades in the world. At least I’m passing everything, right?! Right now I wish I was back in shitty old Mercer, sitting in a cold desk, listening to teachers talk. But nope, I’m at home, in cyber school all because the principal at Mercer is a piece of dog shit! :] I miss sleeping on the bus in the mornings, I miss the kids at school (oh yes, even the ones who used to give me shit about random bullshit). Crazy, isn’t it? The thing I despise the most is the thing I miss.

And now…for a quote!

“Drunken words are sober thoughts.”

Monday, January 12, 2009

It's been awhile

Well, I haven’t had a real blog in a long LONG time. Lemme put it this way; the last time I had a blog, everyone had Xanga. o.o That should tell you how long it’s been since I've had one of these.

SO! Anyways, its 2009...finally, and in about 5 months I graduate from high school. This is epic. I will admit, I'm a tad nervous about graduating. I know, I know...I shouldn’t be nervous, I should be excited. Well, I'm not. Once I graduate, that’s it. I'm off in the real world. Full of working, working, and heh; more working! I have no idea where I'm gunna go or where I'll end up but I know it wont be here in Mercer. Well, ok, I might stay in Mercer. If a certain someone comes home from North Carolina before I graduate...

In other news!! [haha, I sound like a news reporter] I'm looking for a vehicle...specifically a VW BUS!!! If anyone knows where I can find a VW BUS in the Mercer, PA/Pittsburgh, PA area let me know please. It's my dream car. I would be happy with any vehicle but a VW bus is...perfect. I don’t care what color it is or if it’s a camper or kombi, doesn’t matter to me as long as it's a bus. :D Please and thank you! Ha. I've searched everywhere I can think of. HELP! :] :]

And I'll do what I always did when I finished off a blog. I'll leave you with a quote....

"I'm not afraid of the dark, I'm afraid of what’s IN it."